Does your shampoo have a secret message for you? Is it questioning your sanity with its clever marketing?
Beware. Your shampoo is probably gas lighting you in order to control your purse.
Gas lighting is extremely damaging in individual relationships but what happens when it is used as a tactic in mass marketing? How does it make you feel?
Here’s just a few things your shampoo is trying to tell you:
You are needy
Morrisons Soak It Up Shampoo for needy hair will put a stop to any unattractive vulnerability. An essential product to eliminate those legitimate emotional needs.
You need taming
According to L’Oreal, your rebellious hair needs EverRiche Nourishing & Taming Shampoo. Use this to calm that horrible opinionated pony tail.
You are starved and damaged
Your hair is damaged and starved of something, probably love. Yes, starved. Thanks for that Andrew Collinge Professional Performance Salon Conditioner. A proper confidence boost.
You are a slut
You heard. Try Herbal Essences Long Term Relationships Shampoo. You might pretend otherwise, but this is what your hair really needs.
You’re not normal
What you need is a clarifying shampoo to normalize your hair. This will bring some clarity to your puzzled curls. It’s not that hard, okay?
You need controlling
To get control, you’ll be needing a bottle of Fiami Di Wills Total Damage Control Shampoo. Avoid Partial Damage Control. This could leave some hair at risk of independence.
You are ultra sensitive
No need to worry, Alverde shampoo for ultra sensitive hair will sooth unreasonable strands. No need to overreact is there?
You are stressed out
Stressed out hair is not a good look. Try BBlunt Born Again Shampoo For Stressed Hair. This should bring some much-needed perspective.
You are dull
So buy this to brighten yourself up before you disappear. Tresemme Luxurious Moisture Shampoo For Dry Dull Hair.
You need therapy
Why not choose one of the many therapeutic shampoos such as Dove Therapy Intensive Repair Shampoo. Your hair is desperately broken. Dove will fix it. If you hair is totally beyond repair, you can always go to Tesco My Senses Hair Sanctuary for a longer term solution.
You look tired
What you need is an exotic blend of energy rich passionfruit extract to stimulate and hydrate your tired tresses. Organix is here to help.
You need to be rescued
Your hair is frankly so messed up it needs rescuing. Thank god for L’Oreal with its 60 second saviour, smoothing your hair, strand by strand leaving it to glide effortlessly through fingers, as soft as a caress.
Got all that? Buy these shampoos and you’ll be on your way to normal, lovable, sane and beautiful. Ignore their warnings at your own risk. They don’t make shampoos for people who are alright as they are.